Telling Others You Have HIV

Knowing who to tell when you learn that you have HIV can be a challenge. You may not feel like telling anyone. On the other hand, letting the right people know can help you feel better. You won’t have to keep secrets from those close to you. You’ll be able to talk about what’s in your mind and important to you.

It’s extremely important that you:

	Tell anyone with whom you have had sex. This can be difficult. It’s essential that they be told so they can be tested and get treatment, if necessary. Knowing if they have HIV can help them from spreading it to others.
	Tell anyone you plan to have sex with. Practicing safe sex will help protect your health and that of any partners. In some states, not telling a sexual partner you have HIV before having sex is a felony.
	Tell your doctor and dentist. This helps them give you the right kind of care. As medical professionals, they have an obligation to keep this information private and confidential. A doctor or dentist cannot refuse to treat you because you have HIV.

It can be difficult to tell others. Some people may not be well informed about HIV. They may find it hard to accept that you have this disease. Some people may end their friendship with you or reject you in a dating situation. Often, you won’t know how someone will respond until you tell him or her.

You don’t necessarily have to tell someone your HIV status right away. You may want to see how a relationship unfolds. The closer a relationship gets and the more time that passes, the harder it can be to talk about it sometimes.

Whatever happens, accept the reaction. You can’t control how others deal with the news. Their reaction isn’t a reflection on you – it’s a reflection of them.

You don’t have to tell everyone. You can take time to think about what you want. As you consider telling others about your status, you might want to think about:

	Why do you want to tell them? Are you looking for something from them?
	How can you tell them that might make it easier? Would having articles, websites or hotlines to leave with the person you’re telling be helpful to them?
	How might they react to the news? What would be the best scenario? The worst? People can have a wide range of reactions to news like this.
	How much do you want to tell them? Some people may ask how you came to be infected with HIV. It’s up to you to decide how much you want to say.
	Getting support from others who have had to face similar situations.

One particularly tricky consideration is whether to tell an employer about your health status. The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) protects people with disabilities from job discrimination. As long as you can do the essential functions of your job, your employer can’t legally discriminate against you because of your HIV status.

If your illness or treatment interferes with your job, you may want to tell your employer. Get a letter from your doctor explaining what you need to do for your health. Talk to your boss or personnel director. Assure them that you want to continue working and what changes may be needed in your schedule or workload to do so. Make sure that they understand that you want to keep your HIV status confidential.